they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
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