she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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