I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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