It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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