Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
So here I am, sexting at work.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
