Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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