we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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