Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
