I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
