Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
