She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
