I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
