Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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