what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
