I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
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The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
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You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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