People with herpes should wear stickers.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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