booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
