He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
