dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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