if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She bit a glass in half.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
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I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Sorry my hands just texted you
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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