what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
