everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
