they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
