i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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