I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
