Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
