end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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