So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
