Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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