took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
