I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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