I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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