I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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