Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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