She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
