conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I just found a bag of teeth...
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
