It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
