She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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