Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
