Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
