Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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