I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
