omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
