Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
