did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
