you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
