they need to just BURY HIM!
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
