I faked an abortion last night.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Randomize
