She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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