And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Randomize
