I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I pour the whiskey from now on
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
