you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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