yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
