It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
