youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
