Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
he's gonorrhea incarnate
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
