Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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