then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
