Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
