Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
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Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
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Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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