You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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