remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
