Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
