cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
