Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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