My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
