420 ftw
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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