I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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