I faked an abortion last night.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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