She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
