i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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