I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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