eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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