how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
