Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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