Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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