he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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