dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Everyone says I win the strip club
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
