Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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