I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
