JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
